Here's some random quotes from my collection.


"For God's sake, open the silo door! They're coming for us! It's our only way out! (sees guard die) OH MY GOD, WE'RE DOOMED!"

"You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he is expecting to wake up. Ironically, that's not far from the truth."

"It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth."

"Before we use any power tools, let's take a moment to talk about shop safety. Be sure to read, understand, and follow all the safety rules that come with your power tools. Knowing how to use your power tools properly will greatly reduce the risk of personal injury. And remember this: there is no more important safety rule than to wear these — safety glasses. [He points at his aviator-style prescription glasses.] "

-Norm Abram

"gotta promise not to stop when I say when"

"It's a hundred and six miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses: Hit it."

"If you were me, then I'd be you, and I'd use your body to get to the top! You can't stop me no matter who you are! "

"I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead" -Mark Twain

Watch out for emergencies. They are your big chance.
- Reiner, Fritz

“Therefore is judgment far from us, neither doth justice overtake us: we wait for light, but behold obscurity; for brightness, but we walk in darkness.”
-Isaiah 59:9

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.

- Franklin, Benjamin

Even if a farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early
start.

- Howe, Edgar Watson

“If I had eight hours to chop down a tree, I'd spend six hours sharpening my ax”

Abraham Lincoln


"Shake n' bake!"

Jam: It's a teenage girl walking along the side of the highway. I mean, they, they, they make scary movies that start out like that.
Trip: Hey, but, but they make porno movies that start out like that too, man.

“I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you'd be like "Huh?", but if it's in a basket you're like "Nice."
Demetri Martin

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